Let the Pothole Vaulting Begin!

So the IOC begins its six-day visit to our fair corrupt city today, and John Kass recounts his readers' best suggestions for "authentic Chicago-style Olympic event ideas to honor the IOC evaluators":

Many of you sent variations of "Sprints to the Federal Building," "Pothole Vaulting" and "Hired Truck Demolition Derby." Most popular was "Olympic (Wrought Iron) Fencing," the gold going to the mayor's brother Cook County Commissioner Johnny Daley, who sold insurance to the politically connected fence contractors.

What other events?

"Synchronized Scheming" (Jeff S.); "Parking Dibs Derby" (Jerry P.), and an adaptation of a street game I played as a wee lad on South Peoria Street:

"Fed Rover, Fed Rover, Let the Feds Come Over" (Ryan L.) in which politicians and their cronies hold hands and federal prosecutors run toward them, to break the weakest link.

"Mayor Daley's X Games" (Roger W.) in which contestants carve giant X's into airport runways under cover of darkness because some politician said he was afraid of terrorists with tiny planes. "Strong Arm Wrestling" (Bob E.), the only event in which average taxpaying chumbolones have an advantage, after having "built up those forearms from carrying around all those quarters to feed the parking meters."

Read the whole thing.